I Am Not Giving Up

It's been a while, but I am back.  I think I've regained everything I lost, but I won't know for sure because I refuse to get on the scale -- I don't want to know.  It's fine.  I am actually not upset that I reverted to my old ways.  Ah, who am I kidding?  I obviously am a bit upset, frustrated, disappointed; however, I am not angry with myself, I do not feel guilty, and I am not beating myself up.

I have hope that I can still change my lifestyle and my relationship with food and that I can permanently lose 10 pounds.  It is just won't be easy.  There aren't going to be any tricks and no magic or voodoo is going to make it easy.  It is going to require hard work, discipline, and time. 

I am beginning to accept that permanent change will require being mindful of everything that I put into my mouth 100% of the time.  No eating while doing something else, no eating without writing it down, no grabbing just a handful or a bite here or there.  It all just adds up too quickly.

My goals for this week are simple:  (1) eat mindfully 100% of the time (2) write down everything I eat/drink (3) exercise.

"I may not be there yet, but I'm closer than I was yesterday."  Author Unknown

Is Confession Really the First Step to Repentance?

I hope so. Here goes...

I ate terribly all day today. From mid afternoon onwards, I surrendered to every single craving I had – right down to the bowl of ice cream I just ate. This tends to happen when I am stressed or tired. Today I was both.

Work is very chaotic right now, resulting in my journaling and discipline to be a lower priority. Eating becomes a self-indulgent grab and go exercise free from rules and constraints. I also didn't get enough sleep last night, which always leads to afternoon grazing to keep up my energy. Hmmmmm... no wonder I ate badly today! I didn’t recognize these patterns until now! This is something I will discuss with my coach this week. Speaking of, I bet I haven't lost any weight since last week. I hope I haven't gained any! Oh man. I need to get this show on the road.

"The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking places." Author Unknown

P.S.  I think I am currently stuck in one of the parking places.

Perception Changes Everything

I took a Halloween weekend hiatus and I am disappointed in myself because I ate badly. What about all the stuff I learned?! I thought I changed! Grew! I relax for just a weekend and it unravels! That’s how I feel at least.

Looking at the big picture, I was definitely mindful when I ate my main meals. I made healthy choices and tried to eat reasonable portions. I made unhealthy choices when snacking and when eating while starving (due to skipping a meal or eating the meal too late).

Notice the previous sentence states “made unhealthy choices” rather than failed, which is what I actually feel.  This brings me to the biggest lesson from this weekend:  perception. My perception was much worse than the reality. My assessment was that I am a failure who undid all the hard work and who will never lose the weight. Catastrophic much? How can we improve without blunders? Mistakes are our teachers. In actuality, I ate unhealthy snacks and I ate unhealthy when I was starving. These are important lessons for the future: eat my main meals on time and plan out my snacks.  Most important of all, manage my perception.

“If you don't make mistakes, you're not working on hard enough problems. And that's a big mistake.” F. Wikzek

“Making mistakes simply means you are learning faster.” Weston H. Agor